Grandma's DNR

Yesterday, my grandmother's cardiologist came by and visited my grandmother. They have a wonderful dr/patient relationship. He has entertained calls from my Aunt Katie (who is a nurse) from Europe at 2 am. He has been quoted as saying that he treats my grandmother as he would his own mother. He is just devastated by this. Anyway, he came by and read every little notation in grandma's chart and sat down Katie for a talk. He said that there is no happy ending, barring a miracle. He said the temporary recussitation order that was in place, though he understands why, was not what she would have wanted. He said it needed to be lifted immediately and a DNR put in its stead. The family members who were in town, including my grandfather, agreed. The DNR was issued this morning.

I've been so completely depressed all day. I've spent most of it in bed. Bryan is a sweetheart and stayed home today. We went up to the hospital about 5, while my parents kept the girls. It was so hard to see her in that bed. She is now fighting for air. Though she didn't open her eyes, she squeezed my hand over and over. I talked to her for a bit, but couldn't talk to her for too long as it just broke my heart. For the first time since grandmother had her stroke, I finally cried today.

Another update

was just over at my parents, and have come to the understanding that the grandma I know and love is gone. I saw the CAT scan and it's just freaky, the way one side of her brain looks normal and the other side looks just like someone Photoshopped all the creases out of it. You can even see where the brain has started to swell.

Knowing my grandma, she's shaking her head at all of us carrying on. This is the woman who used to want the Fisk Jubillee Singers at her funeral. Now she just wants Bryan to sing "On the Road Again." She made him promise a few months ago that he would. She swore if he didn't she'd be singing at his bedside every night, just to haunt him.

I hope that Grandma is not trapped in her body. I hope that she's not painfully aware of all that's going on. It's so hard, because we don't know if she'll make it through the night, die of the swelling in a few days, die of infection/pneumonia/etc, or pull through and spend the remaining years dealing with learning everything again. She was a true Southern Belle, and I don't think that's what she'd want. I love her and miss her already, though she's still here.

Update on my grandmother

Unfortunately, I don't have a whole lot of news. There was a family meeting with the doctor today. They've done another MRI, and it seems there is nothing on the left side of her brain. I've seen it, and there are absolutely no wrinkles/creases where there should be. It's freaky looking. He says that the next 24-48 hours are critical, to see if she survives the stroke. He is unsure if she will. However, he says if she does survive, she will have use of her left side, POSSIBLY her right leg, but not her right hand or arm. Her speech, if present, will be halted and slurred. He explained to them that with stroke patients, they like to keep their blood pressure about 150-160 to push through any of the clot/particles. However, if it rises above 180, they have to administer more of the meds she received yesterday. The family and the doctor have agreed to heroic measure for the next few days, to see how she's going to come through this. If she is to be put on a respirator, it is only to be for 3 days. They agreed that if it doesn't look like she's going to have a reasonable quality of life (ie no use of her limbs, etc), then they're going to allow her body to shut down on its own. So, it all hangs on the next few days and whether or not she survives the stroke.


PS--It's doubtful she'll ever return home. My grandfather asked all the hard questions. He's so lost without her. The dr said that if she makes it through, she'll require LOTS of rehabilitation and will probably need the care of a nursing home.

My grandmother

My maternal grandmother had a mini-stroke a few weeks ago. They ran a battery of tests and said there wasn't much they could do that they weren't already doing.

My mother called this afternoon to say that my grandmother just blacked out and fell over while at the lawyer's office with my grandfather.

It's not good. They think it was a clot. She has no motor function on her right side. It's gnarled and contracts involuntarily. She has no speech, and only opens her eyes for short periods of time, but cannot focus. She is very agitated, but makes no noise. Her blood pressure was 210/56 at one point tonight, and they've put her on something which has temporarily lowered it to 154/76, but she can only be on that for a short while. She is in the Neuroscience Intensive Care. The doctor said he will know more after 72 hours. At 72 hours is when the brain starts to swell.

It is so hard to see her like this. She is 81 years old and takes better care of herself than many 20 and 30 year olds. She walks several miles every day, eats well, and loves to putter outside in her garden. This is not what she would have wanted. She is probably screaming that everyone is seeing her like this and making such a fuss.

Please pray for her. If you don't share my Christian views, please send positive thoughts her way. Her name is Evelyn. She is a proud mother of 9 children. My mother is right in the middle.

Another RAVE about Elann and the beginnings of Lucky Clover Wrap

Okay, so now that I've figured out that I'm just bored with my current projects, I am back into a knitting frenzy. I dug out the Austermann Mirabelle I ordered from Elann for my birthday and was all ready to plunge into a new project. However, my house seems to have eaten the free pattern that Elann sent with it. After scouring the internet to find a free pattern I liked that used fingering weight yarn, I gave up and emailed Elann, asking if they had an electronic copy of the pattern, and included my order number.

As I was about to give up and settle down to watch some tv (empty handed ) with my husband, my eye caught the Stitch n Bitch books I'd checked out from the library. I was very tickled to see the Lucky Clover Wrap used fingering weight and started right away. Here is my progress:



Then, when I checked email this morning, I was so tickled to find that Elann had sent me a .pdf version of the pattern I had lost. Woo hoo!

Tired of all my incomplete projects

Okay, so I've figured out I'm no longer inspired by my current projects. My lace aran is too difficult to work on while the girls are awake. (I lose count from all the interruptions.) I'm too tired to work on them when they've gone to sleep. The blanket is currently a mess because you have to have no less than 3 live skeins at one time, and my 11 month old (YIKES) decided to help me by partially unravelling them, and I think the shawl for my mother is just ugly, tedious, and monotonous. So, yesterday I was just pure evil, in thought and in some action and was in serious need of some calming knitting, so I went backwards and starting knitting some dishcloths. Here's what I've accomplished since yesterday:





It felt SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good to cast off!

We've had several new members join our webrings over the past two weeks. Please take a second and check them out.

I think I have commitment issues...

Okay, so I haven't knitted in a while

1. Because life's been so busy
2. Because I've lost interest in my projects.

I've fallen in love with several new projects, however. LOL I am trying to make progress on the three I have on the needles, however.

Here is the latest.



It is Baby Ribbons from Soft & Sweet Baby Afghans by Leisure Arts. I've swapped the colors to fit the baby boy my SIL is expecting. I have until the first of October to complete it.

I've also fallen in love with the
Baby Fruit and Veggie Rattles on Jimmy Beans Wool. I have a baby shower on the 23rd and I'm debating if I have enough time.

I received my Fall 2005 IK!!!! HOORAY! There are several patterns in there that have caught my eye. However, I'm trying to be good for now and focus on my current projects...

So, that's all that's going on in the knitting realm. Thanks for checking in.